Your Baby Girl

March 19, 2014

Shanace I. 

Dear Dad,

It seems like a lifetime since the last time we've talked, so I decided to write you to let you know how your baby girl is doing after ten years. To start, Mom struggles day in an day out to provide for us, and to be honest, I kind of blame you for leaving her alone. Times are rough and school seems to weigh me down. My lonely nights are filled with depression, thoughts of you and how my life could have been better if you were here. It's painful because I feel as if your presence in my life would have been better if you were here. It's painful because I feel as if your presence in my life would have helped mold me into a stronger individual instead of the weak, emotional person that I am today. If you were here you could have warned me about all those guys who just wanted sex, but because you weren't, I had to learn the hard way. Dad it hurts knowing that you've been used, and it makes me weak and vulnerable. You could have told me that sex can wait and it's not what everyone makes it out to be. You could have made me aware of the fact that sex is not the glue that holds relationships together or cupid's arrow that makes someone fall in love. Why couldn't you have been here, to pick me up when I fell and to let me know that although I've made many mistakes you will still be here to love me after each one? You know Dad; I believe that's my downfall, the thing that makes me so weak. I'm worried about being love. Because you left Mom I feel as if I will only fall for the guys who will use and hurt me, and because Mom is hurting I feel as if I should hurt too. Why couldn't you have been here to tell me over and over how much you loved me, so that I wouldn't fall for those guys who made me feel wanted? I can't seem to trust anyone with my true concerns, and because we never talk, I find it easier to tell a stranger. Your absence has created some kind of shield over my heart, one that allows me to endure pain, but refuses to let me release it, just sort of locks within me. It keeps me from talking to those who truly love me. Dad, do you think that I deserve to be happy? Did you ever think that I would go looking for your love within sex and unpromising relationships only to reveal time after time that I've been searching in the wrong places? Do you think that I deserve to be loved? If your answer is yes, then why is it so hard for you to show me?

This letter was not written to cause you pain. All I ask is that as you live your life with your other family that you teach my sister about all the different types of love. Tell her that sex can wait, and having sex doesn't prove someone's feelings. Completely educate her about sex, love and relationships. Advise her to talk to others when she feels like she can't talk to you. Most of all Dad, tell her constantly that you love he. Make her understand that she does not have to go out looking for love, because she can get all she needs from you. I ask this favor, because I want her to grow up with the love and knowledge that I didn't get. Do this so that she will never have to wish that someone had old he about sex or made her feel loved. All children desire the love of their parents and cherish it deep within their hearts. We also want to be able to talk to them about anything, so Dad try to be her friend, someone she can trust so that she won't feel alone. 

P.S. Mom can only teach me so much, but its helpful hearing advice from a man who truly loves you. 

Love Always,

Your Baby Girl

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